Fear holds us back. It wraps its manacles firmly around you, restricting the reach for higher goals. It weaves a seam across your lips, cutting off the voice that shouts for something better. It is a stealth operative, creeping into the depths of our minds disengaging our senses, poisoning us to believe we are incapable of the success we seek. Why is fear so easy to give in to? Why do we allow the obstacles that intercept our roads to become road blocks? Instead we should maneuver the road, always keeping our eye on the final destination. The boulders that crowd the journey can be large, astonishing even the strongest of wills. But they can be overcome. They can be left on the shoulder as we pursue what we set out to achieve. Too easily, though, a littered highway distracts us. Our destination no longer visible. Detours have lead us astray rather than back to the main course. When those pebbles of doubt begin to grow into the boulders of fear cluttering the carefully mapped out road to success we have charted in our minds it is time to accelerate. Escape the evil of fear that pursues your dreams. Break free from the icy manacles that restrain. Fear cannot be an option.
Easier said than done. Easier to give advice than take it. If only the advice we give so many were so easy to swallow ourselves. Fear is individual and unique. We carefully place the shackles ourselves. We quickly tuck away the key that would release us from this bondage, sometimes forgetting entirely where we even placed it.
Today is the day I break free. Today is the day I push ahead. Today is the day fear falls behind, only a distant reminder in my rear view mirror. Today is the day. I'll start on it tomorrow. ;)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Unexpected
Last night I was in bed thinking about the day when I heard some strange noises outside. I was scared someone was trying to break in or steal Levi's truck. So, I crept from my bed careful not to disturb my family (all four of them) sleeping in the same room. I tiptoed toward the door, the floor creaked, I winched looking back to Levi hoping I'm not waking him. He has to be up in five hours. Whew! He is dead to the world with his sleep apnea mask on, I breath a sigh of relief. I hear the pups move and I scurry without a backward glance out of the room. I made it! I'm in the front room and peek out the front window to see my neighbors moving cars, opening and shutting doors as if they are preparing to move in the middle of the night. Ah, it was nothing. OK, back to bed, I don't have to confront an intruder. I sneak back toward the room, round the corner
and find this, my 120 pound pup squished up against the bed. There is another two feet to his left for him to sprawl out. I couldn't help but laugh, the picture doesn't do it justice! I cracked up and grabbed my phone to take this pic before he moved.
Earlier that night I was reading a book and I turned to make sure Champ hadn't wondered off into our room. If I am too quite in the house he thinks no one is home and takes a little nap on our bed. He is not allowed on the bed so it is funny that he decides he can sleep there when he thinks we aren't around. I turned and found him instead on watch with his
sister. This was too cute for words and again the picture does not do them justice. Aspen never hangs out that close to the boys, not that they would mind, but it makes her nervous. Last night they were right there next to each other scooping out the neighborhood. I grabbed my phone before they moved and snapped this. Just love those kiddos! [I think Butch was taking the reprieve from these two not bothering him to hide and sleep. :) ]
and find this, my 120 pound pup squished up against the bed. There is another two feet to his left for him to sprawl out. I couldn't help but laugh, the picture doesn't do it justice! I cracked up and grabbed my phone to take this pic before he moved.Earlier that night I was reading a book and I turned to make sure Champ hadn't wondered off into our room. If I am too quite in the house he thinks no one is home and takes a little nap on our bed. He is not allowed on the bed so it is funny that he decides he can sleep there when he thinks we aren't around. I turned and found him instead on watch with his
sister. This was too cute for words and again the picture does not do them justice. Aspen never hangs out that close to the boys, not that they would mind, but it makes her nervous. Last night they were right there next to each other scooping out the neighborhood. I grabbed my phone before they moved and snapped this. Just love those kiddos! [I think Butch was taking the reprieve from these two not bothering him to hide and sleep. :) ]Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Two Roads
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, and been one traveler long I stood, and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth." --Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled
Sixth through eighth grade brought with it a teacher who loved to make us do public speaking exercises. One of which was reciting poems in front of the class. She promised that years down the road we would be thanking her because we would remember these epic poems. I vaguely remember any of those poems. A line here or there from a Shakespearean sonnet. I remember a poem about a Tree - I think it was a poem we got to choose our self and it was the shortest one I could find. ("I think I will never see, something as lovely as a Tree.") However, among all we were forced to memorize I remember this, Robert Frost's The Road Less Traveled.
It seems this poem whispers back to me whenever I find myself at a crossroad in life. When I am faced with two roads and wishing fervently that I had hindsight in making my decision. I know the strait and narrow path will never lead me astray, but what if...what if the road less traveled takes me beyond anything I could imagine? Strange that of all the poems, this is the one I remember. One where a decision must be made and looking down the paths laid out ahead there is the road worn and true and there is a road that is grassy and want for wear. I don't want to get to the end of my life wondering what if? What if I would have taken the road less traveled? I know where I'll end up on the road that is worn...everyone ends up there...but what if I take this other road? What then?
Decisions are decisions are decisions. You make the choice, hold firm and know that you must endure the consequences, because unfortunately there is no crystal ball. If only life were so simple. So I sit here looking down the road of my life wondering where the fork splits into my two paths and which path will be want for wear in this journey.
"And I...I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Sixth through eighth grade brought with it a teacher who loved to make us do public speaking exercises. One of which was reciting poems in front of the class. She promised that years down the road we would be thanking her because we would remember these epic poems. I vaguely remember any of those poems. A line here or there from a Shakespearean sonnet. I remember a poem about a Tree - I think it was a poem we got to choose our self and it was the shortest one I could find. ("I think I will never see, something as lovely as a Tree.") However, among all we were forced to memorize I remember this, Robert Frost's The Road Less Traveled.
It seems this poem whispers back to me whenever I find myself at a crossroad in life. When I am faced with two roads and wishing fervently that I had hindsight in making my decision. I know the strait and narrow path will never lead me astray, but what if...what if the road less traveled takes me beyond anything I could imagine? Strange that of all the poems, this is the one I remember. One where a decision must be made and looking down the paths laid out ahead there is the road worn and true and there is a road that is grassy and want for wear. I don't want to get to the end of my life wondering what if? What if I would have taken the road less traveled? I know where I'll end up on the road that is worn...everyone ends up there...but what if I take this other road? What then?
Decisions are decisions are decisions. You make the choice, hold firm and know that you must endure the consequences, because unfortunately there is no crystal ball. If only life were so simple. So I sit here looking down the road of my life wondering where the fork splits into my two paths and which path will be want for wear in this journey.
"And I...I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Farewell for now...
Death sucks. It isn't easy. Loosing Curly this week has caused a lot of emotions from my grandma's death to resurface. There hasn't been a week that's gone by these past six years where I haven't thought of her. Where I have not wished I could have one more dinner or conversation, one more movie or sporting event with her. I feel her presence often. I know she is still with me, watching over me. But the pain and selfishness of not having her in the flesh still hurts.
My grandma was amazing, stronger than I will ever know, compassionate and loving. Grandparents are a treasure. They save the Wednesday kids section of the paper for you even though they won't see you for another week. They make you banana cereal with a cut up banana and sugar because you love bananas. They even find special trinkets or rings that have absolutely no value besides the fact that it made them think of you (and they still give you trinkets when you are 16, 21...). My grandmother carved a niche in my spirit, a hole that can never be filled. There are people in life who carve etchings on your soul, and then there are those people who mold and carve you into a better person. They have the ability to truly make you whole. I am better for having her in my life and for the lessons she taught me, but my soul is still missing a piece because she is gone. I wish that Levi could have known her. I wish that my children could have known the beauty of her love. But life is not always fair. I have learned how to breath with the hollowed holes that loosing a loved one leaves. I pray that my cousins find peace in God's embrace as they deal with the heartache of loosing a beloved grandparent. So farewell for now Curly, we'll meet you again in the presence of His love. Would you say hello to my grandparents for me? Tell them I love them.
My grandma was amazing, stronger than I will ever know, compassionate and loving. Grandparents are a treasure. They save the Wednesday kids section of the paper for you even though they won't see you for another week. They make you banana cereal with a cut up banana and sugar because you love bananas. They even find special trinkets or rings that have absolutely no value besides the fact that it made them think of you (and they still give you trinkets when you are 16, 21...). My grandmother carved a niche in my spirit, a hole that can never be filled. There are people in life who carve etchings on your soul, and then there are those people who mold and carve you into a better person. They have the ability to truly make you whole. I am better for having her in my life and for the lessons she taught me, but my soul is still missing a piece because she is gone. I wish that Levi could have known her. I wish that my children could have known the beauty of her love. But life is not always fair. I have learned how to breath with the hollowed holes that loosing a loved one leaves. I pray that my cousins find peace in God's embrace as they deal with the heartache of loosing a beloved grandparent. So farewell for now Curly, we'll meet you again in the presence of His love. Would you say hello to my grandparents for me? Tell them I love them.
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