For Tess

I can’t imagine the depth of sadness. I can’t sympathize with the ridged hole that forms from losing a parent. Words escape me and I find myself repeating the only thing I know and feel with your news, “I am so sorry.” I wish I could reach out and hug you over the miles we are apart. I wish I could help take the sadness and hurt you feel away, along with the many others who love you so dearly. I feel small in comparison to the sudden change your life’s path has found. So I send you my love and prayers…and my words.

Death is the ultimate finality, a fate no one escapes. The angel approaches, gently lies his hand on your shoulder before calmly whispering, “That’s enough, come with me,” just like that the restless soul finds peace. And we are left to deal with the loss, to process the pain, understand the anger, and fight the heartache. A parent is irreplaceable regardless of how you want to judge that parent. They offer a love that is unique to any other love you feel in your life. They are your champions. They are your guidance. They are the kids sometimes when we must stand up and be the adults. But in the end, they are still a part of you. They were the first to delve into the depths of your heart and carve out their own niche. The holes that echo in the caverns of our heart remain long after they are gone. They leave their mark quite literally on our hearts so that in the moments of stillness they can blow through the hollowed caves reminding you of the joy, the smiles, laughter, tears and love they brought into our lives.

I have posted this poem before, but I think it is fitting for anyone who has lost someone they loved. There is no replacement. I realize a few words are insignificant to the loss and sadness you feel, but with nothing better to offer, and no tangible hug to hold on to, I send you this my friend.

Death Finds Family (modified for a friend)
Something grand is awaiting
It’s time for me to go
Death comes to us all
When? No one knows

We’ll meet again
I know this much is true
This isn’t the end
Of the love I hold for you

He’s calling my name
I’m not sure that I’m ready
It’s time to make the journey, though
Unfinished work now seems petty

I’m scared and I’m frightened
There's no time for goodbyes to you
But He’s taking my hand
And guiding me through

My dear, please don’t cry
Remember the laughter
Know that my love for you
Will remain long after

I’ll be seeing you again
We’ll meet at the pearly gates
For now I must go
And follow my fate

I’ll always love you
And when death comes to your door
Know that I've been waiting
And I'll see you once more

Jimmy.

We were skyping with Arianna and Antonio yesterday, when Levi decided to get out of storage a "buddy" from when he was just a little boy. Jimmy. He showed the kids this toy - a kind of a creepy doll now that it had been worn down from years of play and then stored for such a long time - when he began making the doll attack me as if "Jimmy" was "Chucky". Tonio was laughing and Arianna was a little freaked out...I don't blame her.

I should have known that would not be the end of it...

Last night when I was getting ready for bed I walked into the bathroom only to turn around and find Jimmy hanging there. It scared the @#$% out of me and I gave a blood curdling scream.

Levi, of course, was laughing so hard he couldn't talk.

I thought I would share the pics of what I found in the bathroom last night.

I must admit, after the initial horror wore off, it was pretty funny. :)